


The Vessel

by lowfat_yogurt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Vessel Consent Issues (Supernatural), Angel Vessel Trauma (Supernatural), Angels, Consent Issues, Devils, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Doesn't Involve The Winchesters, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Gen, I don't know why I'm writing this now but 2020 has been a weird year so I might as well, I took the bits I liked and chucked the rest, Lots and Lots of OCs, M/M, Manipulation, Monsters, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Season/Series 05, Problematic elements are discussed in a hopefully respectful way, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Residual grace effects, Self-Worth Issues, Trauma, Vampires, Vessel Fic, Violence, Werewolves, and then completely discard him, because that's not what this is lmao, discussion of consent, it's set after season 5 y'all, think about the Nick portrayal in season 14
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowfat_yogurt/pseuds/lowfat_yogurt
Summary: As the saying goes, everything happened for a reason. He didn't want to know the reason he'd been made to suffer so much.The former vessel of Lucifer didn't want to die alone on a floor in an empty house in Detroit. Nor did he want to die bleeding out his pores in a hospital. He refused to let Lucifer be his last memory. He couldn't account for the way angelic possession changed him. Nor the intensity of the pain and the trauma.Dying would've been the better choice.Alone with no guidebook, he must navigate the reality of a world with supernatural beings, and his own place within it.
Relationships: Dissociative Identity Disorder inner relationships, Lucifer & Nick (Supernatural), Nick (Supernatural)/Original Character(s), Various Toxic Dynamics, female OC/female OC
Comments: 6
Kudos: 2





	1. Prologue: Job 17:1

_(My breath is corrupt, my days are extinct... The graves are ready for me.)_

A high pitched screeching reverberated through the former vessel's entire body. All he knew was agony, feeling ice in every molecule that made him.

Worse? He couldn't move. Frozen, and but alive. _God, just have mercy and kill me._

How much time had passed? How much more would pass this way? With a substantial amount of effort, he found the last bit of willpower in himself. A thought repeating in his head.

_I can't die this way. Not like this._

It wasn't an immediate success. He nearly passed out just thinking about moving. After what seemed like hours, though, it could have been seconds. He wouldn't have known any better. His hand twitched.

The movement was sharp. Like knives stabbing up his entire arm. He almost lost consciousness a second time.

_Not like this. Never like this._

He moved his hand again. Accepting the torture as a tear rolled off his face. This was hell. This had to be hell. 

It took a long time to get his hands to clench and unclench. He took deeper breaths. It burned through his chest worse than anything he'd ever known in his life.

He put every ounce of focus he had not to scream. He didn't have enough physical energy to spare.

_I can't die this way. Please._

He shifted to his elbows, shaking. Teeth clenched. Venom from the serpent coursed through him harder. But he pushed himself to his palms.

Vertigo.

_Too much. This is too much._

He purged the contents of his belly onto the floor and onto himself until there was nothing left. (Blood, bile, and the sneaking suspicion it wasn't just his own blood.)

He fell back, his chest heaving with the struggle not to give up.

_I can't die in a disgusting puddle on the floor. I won't._

He pushed himself up again with a yelp. _Ignore the spinning._ He dry heaved, but forced it down. Shifting to be on his knees.

The sensation that seeped into his body like a sharp blizzard made it hard to think, but he stayed. Attempting to stand. Slamming to his knees seven times, before he pushed through his pain to find his footing enough to lean against the nearest wall.

He couldn't do this alone. No one was alive. It was him and his own mind. His own pain screaming through his soul.

Hopelessness hit him like an atom bomb. Rage bubbling up like the destructive mushroom cloud.

"I'm not dying! You won't _kill_ me, Lucifer! I won't let you!" Nick screamed into the otherwise dead quiet house. Tears poured out of his eyes with reckless abandon. Frost lined the wall under his fists. He couldn't let Lucifer win, but he had no sense of getting anywhere fast. He'd fail if he didn't get help.

_I need help. I need to get out. I need to get out. I need to get out._

The ringing got louder. So did the agony, and the light that coursed through his veins. 

He stumbled into an emergency room. Blood pouring out his mouth, his ears, and his pores among other places.

The only words that left him as he fell to the ground in front of the nurses and waiting patients. A raspy, " _help me."_

Then, as cliches foretold, the world around him went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you like this. Kinda short, but hopefully I write more as I go. It'll be varied chapter lengths. This is essentially my first time writing something like this. I'm flying by the seat of my pants for now. But I've been thinking about it for a while so I figured I might as well. This is a crosspost from wattpad. I don't expect comments, or Kudos. It'd be awesome, and I'd appreciate it, but it's not a requirement at all. Feel free to give me some constructive criticism when necessary. Be firm, just be gentle about it? I want to improve, but this is new territory for me. If I do something extra problematic, please definitely let me know. I promise I never mean it. I'm here to learn and grow, not be stuck in problematic habits if I can help it.
> 
> Things of note: Main character has Dissociative Identity Disorder, and is Trans-genderqueer. I take gender experience from my own life. But I don't have DID, or its OSDD-1 counterparts. I'm also not a mental health professional. Just someone who does a lot of research in their spare time. I'm only human, so I'm bound to mess up. If I do something horrendous, I welcome informed course corrections. But I am going to play with it. If that triggers you, I understand. Stay mindful of your triggers if you can. And I'll do my best to make sure I'm label any descriptive themes above the chapters.
> 
> Also, I just considered people who know me as a the super canon divergent Nick Monroe roleplayer on tumblr might read this somehow. And I just wanna say, if you do know me. Hi, hope you like this. 
> 
> Stay safe out there. Be kind to yourself and others. Ciao!


	2. Dear Nick

_Journal Entry #1_

_Date: October 2010? Who knows, days melt into themselves._

_Dear Nick,_

_This is weird. I'm not good at words. You're not even around outside of the nightmares. Haven't been for months. I'm so sorry that you're stuck. But you are the easiest person to write. We're connected by certain things, so you are the person I want seeing this. I won't stop the others from looking at this, it's open to them. (Hello to the system, if you're here. Apologies in advance.)_

_The scars burn at night sometimes. We're still in a lot of pain. Probably will be for a long time. But we're pushing through it._

_Being the person up front is a demanding job. I don't know how you did this so effortlessly. I'm doing what I need to keep us alive. Some choices aren't great. They're risky, shameful. I'm doing my best. Everyone who can try is filling my shoes if I can't._

_I assume you understand. At least, I hope so._

_-Andy Howle_

~~~

Andy closed his little notebook, sliding it into the backpack someone had stolen. (He didn't recall which of them. Whoever it was, he was grateful.) He took a moment to catch his breath, sighed, fixed his clothes, and flopped against the mattress. It wasn't the most comfortable bed in the world. He found it uncomfortably firm. He hated the creaking that followed every move he made. It was still preferable to sleeping on the streets.

His gaze drifted to the side-table, at a half-empty box of cigarettes. He tried to resist temptation. He failed.

"Fuck it," he groaned, pulling out a cigarette to light it with his lighter. (Something he'd stolen.) He grimaced. The smell of the smoke entering his nose made him nauseous. He coughed at the even worse flavor. He couldn't deny the relaxing nature of them, but he hated smoking if he could help it.

He crossed a leg over the other, hearing the high pitch creak of the shitty bed. His mind filled with thoughts of the previous hour. The incessant creaking made the sex even more unsatisfying.

_"Was it good?"_

_"Mm, so good."_ It wasn't.

_(Disappointing.)_

He'd get to keep the room another few nights.

_(Less disappointing.)_

A longer drag of the smoke. Sometimes Andy wondered how he'd earned his attention. It wasn't his scars, or his personality that drew people to him. It was the rest of him. (Intense eyes, a warm mouth, legs for days, a tight pussy, hips that told a great many truths, all served with a delicious side of desperate measures. Excellent assets, according to Noir.) He wished those made for a better time. Unfortunately, skeevy men only cared about themselves. Wes was no different. Never had been. It was just less risky than continuing to steal from the houses of his one-night stands to survive day to day.

He put the cigarette out against the comforter, setting the remains on the box, taking a few minutes to wallow in shame. The morning-after pill could come later.

The blond rubbed his hands over his face, the texture of the scars weird to to the touch as they ever were, "Is this where you thought we'd be, Nick?" he whispered into the empty room. No answer from anywhere, understandably, "Hm, no. No, you probably expected to be somewhere else. Me fuckin' too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I recognize this is weird, and probably doesn't feel like an SPN fanfic. It's not really supposed to feel like that. But I hope you liked it. Also "Noir" is one of the alters. So if I reference that name, they're a part of the DID system. And so is Andy. Andy is going to be a very big part of this. But don't worry. Nick comes in eventually. As do other alters and non-system characters.
> 
> Feel free to Kudos, or comment. Maybe give some gentle constructive criticism for now. Or just say whatever you like as long as it's not full on hate. But even if you don't do any of that, know that I appreciate being given a chance. You're all great. And if you didn't like it, I understand and just appreciate that you weren't mean about it. 
> 
> Stay safe and have a good day, y'all!


	3. A Good Start

Cyrus Kaiser saw him and knew what he needed to do. He'd seen this guy in his dreams. Tall, blond, covered in horrific scars, frequently seen wearing a frown. His smile never reached his eyes without a drink in his hand.

He watched him socialize with the barkeep, making what he assumed to be a joke. It was only after he rubbed his hand over his face and turned to his drink that Cyrus stood from his seat in the corner. He limped over to him, cane and all, clearing his throat. Smiling once he had his attention, "Hey, you're not saving this spot, are you?"

The blond checked him out with a shrug, "no. I'm not. Sit."

"Thank God, I thought I'd have to be rude," a chuckle as he relaxed on the barstool, leaning his cane against the counter to signal the bartender. Two shots of whiskey each.

Blue eyes narrowed at the glass before he shot it back, "I'm flattered. But I'm... straight," he was trying to convince himself more than anybody else.

Another chuckle, "so am I. You looked interesting. I figured it might be fun to talk to someone who understood being a curiosity. I'm Cyrus."

"Andy Howle."

"Charmed, I'm sure." He ordered a few more, Andy allowed it. "So, what brings you?"

That earned him a side-eye, "Oh, y'know, I came here to dance a jig for the thrill," he deadpanned, "I wanna get _drunk_."

"Fair. I only meant for someone with limited money, it's odd you're wasting it on booze," a concerned expression.

Andy bristled, glaring, "My time, and what I do with it isn't your business."

"No," his hands went up in surrender, "It's just... you ran into my brother recently. A week, maybe? You tried to steal from him. Would have succeeded if you weren't so distinctive. Or if he was less of a paranoid brute."

Andy's brows furrowed, "Big bastard with dark hair, bags under his eyes?"

"That's the bastard."

They both chuckled at that.

"Well, let him know that I'm sorry. Won't happen again. I promise," he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.

"I'll tell him," Cyrus circled his index finger over the rim of the empty shot glass. "I could help you, if you're interested."

Andy squinted and exhaled, "Listen. I appreciate the drinks and the conversation. But we don't know each other. You could be a murderer."

He nodded, "I understand. But let me give you my card if you change your mind. Life is a mess. Sometimes you need help to pick up the pieces. No shame in that."

Andy took it, tilting it slightly for the little holographic shine of the letters, "Hm, fancy," he shifted his attention to Cyrus, "I'm not gonna promise you jack. But I'll sleep on it."

"Good man," a gentle laugh watching Andy pocket it.

"I mean this in the nicest way possible, you're kinda flirtatious for a straight guy."

"Correction, I'm _polite_. And confident enough in myself to approach people without worrying how they view me. But I realize how that might appear _flirty_ ," he set his elbow on the bar top and rested his chin on his palm with a smirk.

The blond raised a brow, leaning away from him, "now you're doing it to be an asshole."

"What, I'm not allowed to be expressive?" he joked.

Andy rolled his eyes, "That would be one thing. You bought me shots, approached me with humor, I got your number and I didn't ask. I don't think you're interested, but you're flirting with me."

"Alright, a friendly tease. People are more comfortable if I do. They enjoy the interaction. It worked with _you_ ," a wink.

He opened his mouth only to close it, "Touché..." he glanced over to the clock, "oh my God, it's so _late._ I've been here too long. I should leave. Thanks for the drink, and the flirt. Have a good night, Cyrus," A stretch as he walked out with a click of his tongue.

"Same to you," a sly smirk played at Cyrus's lips, ordering another drink for the effort. It didn't go as he hoped. He came on strong. It happened sometimes with strangers. Even those in need. But this was an excellent start. He was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an introduction to one of the characters, Cyrus. How do you like him? He's a little all over the place right now because I don't usually write characters like this. But hopefully the voice becomes more distinct as I go. I enjoy writing this character.
> 
> In any case, feel free to Kudos, or comment. Constructive criticisms, other random thoughts. Anything except hate. But even if you don't do any of that, know that I appreciate you giving this a chance. If you liked it, thank you! If you didn't, thank you for (hopefully) not being rude about it. You all rock!
> 
> Stay safe out there, everyone!


	4. Doctor's Orders

He'd missed all the clues. He was usually better about that. But it was too late now. Her husband came home early, understandably angry as he socked Andy in the nose. His face had yet to stop pouring blood like a kitchen sink; touching it had him flinching on the spot.

Though he didn't want to, he made his way to a hospital. Trying to make the blood clot anyway that he could.

"Nose won't stop bleeding. Help?" He said in a nasal tone.

The nurse was a little startled but nodded and immediately walked him to one of their open rooms. "Someone will be with you shortly."

Andy just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed in the room. His head was throbbing. His entire face was, really. His vision slightly blurred as he waited in that room. He wasn't sure how much time had passed by the time he heard the door open again.

He looked to the sound, briefly noting the curious head tilt and expression before the door shut behind her.

"Looks like it hurts," her voice was soft and slightly hypnotic.

"It does."

She nodded, "move your hand and let me see," she smiled when he listened. "there you go." She was a very pretty woman. A darker olive complexion, sharper features, brown eyes, and gorgeous black hair. "Well there's no question, it's broken. But I can definitely help set it and stop the bleeding a little faster."

"Please do."

"Let me go grab a few things. I'm Dr. Patel. But if it makes you more comfortable, I'm also fine with Darshini."

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Patel. I'm Andy."

Darshini smiled gently at him, "It's a good name. Just one second."

It took a few minutes and then she came back with gause and what he assumed was a splint for the nose.

"This isn't going to be the most pleasant feeling in the world," she waved a hand in front of his face, "but you're not going to feel much of it."

Andy felt his body relax, and his eyes droop, a little more tired than he expected to be right then. He fully believed that she'd make sure to minimize pain in any way she could. _Weird._ He nodded slightly, "Not gonna feel much. Cool."

"It _is_ cool. Stay still."

He hadn't planned on moving, but he was compelled to be still until she'd finished cleaning him up and getting him more sorted. He hardly noticed until she gave confirmation that she was done.

"That wasn't bad at all."

"It was a pretty minor break. There might be a slight crookedness, but it will heal alright. Can I ask what happened?"

"Married woman. Didn't know she was married til her husband showed up a little too early. Lost control of the situation and hit me in rage. I really hope that woman is okay. Cheater or not, no one deserves to be hit that hard," he half shrugged.

"Ah, I'm familiar with the situation. There was a woman who had curiosities. I was so enamored with her that I didn't think to ask anything else about it. She didn't say a thing, so I believed there wasn't anything. He didn't hit me, but he did throw some choice words at both of us," a nod, "I'm sorry you got the worse outcome."

"It's alright, it's not even the worst pain I've been in. I was more concerned about the bleeding. Little dizzy, y'know?" a soft laugh.

"Of course. I've prescribed you some basic pain medication," she handed him a script note, "at most take two a day if the pain is bad enough. Try not to take more than that unless absolutely necessary. Come back if you have any negative side effects."

"I will."

"Good man. I'm going to need you to fill out some basic paperwork so you can eventually sort out payment at a later date, but then you're free to go."

He took the time to fill it all out and hand it back to her as soon as he had all the information he was able to give.

She set her hand on his shoulder, making direct eye contact with him, "get some rest. Don't over exert yourself. Try not to get punched again."

Once again he was compelled to listen and do just that. "I'll take care of myself, don't worry," a soft smile.

"Be safe, Andy," she took her hand off of him and stepped back.

With one more awkward nod, he took the script and started walking back to the motel. He was gonna get some rest. _Just as the doctor ordered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a bit of a filler, but I figure I'll just edit it more later. Because as far as it's concerned, I can't fix something that isn't written. But it's also an introduction to a character that will come back a bit later. Or intermittently. She's a vampire. I'm not gonna make y'all guess that information. It's what it is. The monsters aren't a secret.
> 
> If you feel like it, you can Kudos, comment, or do as you like. Maybe with constructive criticisms, or just thoughts on things. Just no hate. But as always, it's not a requirement. I just appreciate being given the chance to put myself out there.
> 
> Stay safe and be kind!


	5. Voices and Choices

"I won't do this if you don't have a condom anymore," Andy crossed his arms over his chest, "you know my conditions. I don't plan on having your babies, Wes."

"And you know _my_ conditions. You do this or you're on your own. Your choice," a half shrug. 

"You won't go for the other one?"

Wes shook his head, bewildered that he'd even ask such a thing. "The last time we did _that_ , you freaked out and used teeth. So not a chance."

"It's not my fault you didn't mention you wanted to go that hard."

He took a step forward, "You're lucky I didn't throw you out. I could have. Easily. But I gave you another shot. Ungrateful."

"I'd be more grateful if you paid me," the corner of his mouth turned down.

"I pay you with a place to stay," he pointed a finger at him.

"That's not payment, that's exploitation."

"Andy, do you realize you've been exploiting _me_ by staying here without paying for the rooms? I've lost a good amount of potential money because of you!"

"You allowed this! I didn't even want to do this. I tried to work for you and pay for rooms, but that wasn't enough for you! It's never..." he screamed at the ceiling before he stepped back, "I'll just grab my stuff and go. Thanks for the room for this long, I appreciate it," a pause for effect, "I hope _you_ appreciate whatever strain of HPV I have," he winked and left to go grab the small amount of things he had left.

Not his best choice.

That decision only hit him after it was too late to change his mind. After he'd walked far enough for it to set in that he had nowhere else to stay. He shivered at the bitter chill in the air, signs of being close to winter in the coming months. Not good. He'd be as good as dead in the winter. 

Maybe that was how the fates were playing with him. Surviving ice once, die by ice later. In a morbid way that made sense to him. It was fitting. At least freezing to death this way would numb him in a way being with the devil never had.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pleather jacket, ready to accept that fate. His brows furrowed at the small piece of paper he'd forgotten was there. He gave it a look. It had a little dirt from the pocket on it, but it was still legible. The letters still holographic. _Cyrus Kaiser._

He had to rack his brain as he walked for who that was, or why he had this man's number in his pocket. He was certain this wasn't the guy he'd stolen the jacket from. (Who kept only a single business card on them, after all?) Andy glared at the card for a moment. Cyrus was right. He hated that he was right. 

But sometimes you needed help to pick up those pieces. Those pieces didn't have to be a broken icecicle after all.

_How willing would Cyrus be to accept a call from someone at least a month later? At one, two in the morning, no less._

_{Hey, Andy, call him.}_

"Shut up," he rubbed a hand over his face, feeling spacey.

_{Rude. I'm being helpful. Stop being indecisive, or I'll do this for you.}_

"I'll do it! Gimme a second. Jeez," he glanced to the side, glad no one was seeing him yell to no one in particular. He found a bench and sat on it before he took his phone from his pocket and dialed the number on the car. _See, Noir, I'm doing it._

They said nothing, but there was a smug emotion.

The phone rang four times before he got an answer from a very sleepy man, "do you see what goddamn time it is right now?" he groaned.

"Sorry. I, um. You probably don't remember me. I'm Andy. I believe we met at a bar a month or two ago? You said something about everyone needing help," an awkward pause, "Well... I need help."

"Oh! Andy. I'm sorry for the aggression, you understand. I hoped you'd call but was thinking you wouldn't. I can't do much about it right now. Give me a few more hours and I'll do what I can," he groaned.

"Should I call back in the morning?"

"Please do."

"Okay. I'll talk to you... later, I guess."

"Ciao, Andy," He abruptly hung up.

The blond held out the phone and ended the call from his end, sliding the thing back into his pocket, "Ciao."

Now, to figure out a place to sleep or the night was going to be much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pacing is odd. But again. I'll edit it once I get more out a little bit. But the general content is remaining the same regardless. If I focus too much on editing every single little thing, I run the risk of becoming a little bit obsessive over the editing and then never finishing the actual writing. I do a basic edit before I post things. But yeah. I'll do a more in depth edit of things once I've written more of this particular story.
> 
> If you wanna Kudos, or comment you're welcome to. But if you just wanna read from afar, that's also chill. You're chill.
> 
> Stay safe, and be kind! (might just be my ending thing for everything. Because it's always going to be appropriate.)


	6. The Height of Virtue

Cyrus woke up so refreshed, birds could land on his shoulders to sing songs about it. Nothing pleased him more than knowing how this day would end. He stretched himself awake and grabbed his phone to call his blond friend.

He picked up on the first ring. _Wonderful_.

“Shit! Hello?”

“Morning, Andy. I’m sorry it took me this long get back to you. You’re doing alright, yes?” A hint of concern.

“Well, I’m stiff in the joints, but I’ll deal,” he sighed, “Is there somewhere we can meet up?”

“Depends where you are. We can grab breakfast. My treat.”

“I never turn down free food,” Andy told him his location.

“Oh! I know of a little diner. They make excellent waffles. The place is called _A Taste of Heaven_. An accurate name.”

Andy snorted, “Okay, yeah. I think I’ve seen it. So I’ll take your word for it. And I’ll see you there. Ahh… Ciao?”

“Mm, ciao,” He clicked the end button before heading to the bathroom to fluff out his hair. If it got much longer, he’d need something to pull it back. But he didn’t have the time to do anything about it.

It didn’t take long to be ready, cane in hand, to head out. The fifteen minute drive was peaceful. But seeing Andy elated him.

Cyrus waved, catching his new friend’s attention, a grin coming to his face. “Such a sight for sore eyes, Andy,” he chuckled as he sat down across from him. “You look good today.”

Andy carded his fingers through his hair, “Ahaha, thanks?”

“Of course,” he crossed a leg over his knee. “Order whatever you like, but I’m curious… what happened that makes you need help?”

The blond opened the menu, silent for a moment, a slight frown playing at his lips, “I don’t have anywhere to stay anymore. I’d rather not explain why if I don’t have to. Let’s just say I dropped a deal. The other party didn’t appreciate it.”

Cyrus gave him a sympathetic smile, “I understand,” a quick nod. “I have a place you can stay if you want.”

His brows furrowed, eyes narrowing, “What’s the catch?”

“Well, you’ll be putting some money toward rent. And to save on effort, you can work for me. You have a lot of qualities suited for it. If I sound crazy, forgive me. I think the universe put us in each other’s path.”

Andy opened his mouth to speak as a waitress arrived. They both turned their attention over to her to order something along with the water. He waited until she was out of range. “Yeah that’s fuckin’ forward. Giving me a job is too easy, too. What are you getting out of this?”

“Friendship. A little extra money. Someone to keep my brother in check. Think of it like being assigned a roommate. That’s not the job, it’s part of the deal. He can be a little much. He thinks because he’s older that he can get away with things,” he sighed, “he’s right, to a degree. The fact he rarely pays rent has gone under the radar because he’s my brother. I want him to be okay. But he’s taking advantage of my generosity. Maybe he’ll listen to someone else. If you’re not afraid to be blunt with him.”

“I have no issues being blunt with assholes,” he rested his elbows on the table. “What’s the job if not babysitting?”

“A variety of things. I can hold my own, but it’s difficult with a cane if someone decides they’re angry at me. You’re somewhat intimidating.”

Andy’s brows furrowed, “What do you do that requires a fucking _body guard?_ ”

“People come to me for help with things. I can’t always help them the way they want. I wish I could, but I don’t do freebies. Sometimes the prices can be high. Which makes these people angry. Human beings are erratic sometimes. You understand.”

Andy was quiet, his fingers tapping against the table, “That’s a little vague, but I need help. So I guess you can count me in,” more table tapping, “What’s your brother’s name? Does he know this is a thing? This _is_ sudden.”

“His name is Jethro. I’ll tell him he’s got a roommate today. He doesn’t give a shit as long as you don’t piss him off,” a soft laugh.

“You’re a fuckin’ weird dude,” he traced the top of his water glass, “But a fuckin’ weird dude who’s being helpful so I can’t complain.”

“And you get free food. Never a bad thing.”

They both laughed at that.

“Won’t disagree with you.”

“Cheers to a new friendship, eh?” a playful wink.

Andy snorted, “cheers to that.”

They both took a drink of water in solidarity. “In advance, welcome to Virtue Heights.”

\---

Cyrus spent a few extra hours with Andy, showing him the area, helping him get settled, getting him a key to the new place he’d be staying. And once he’d dropped him off, he gave himself a private celebration. He deserved a drink or two.

The smile on his face felt permanent as he shrugged his maroon suit jacket partially off his shoulders. A fancy touch to an otherwise casual outfit of a black v-neck and jeans.

His smile widened at the sound of stilettos against the wood floor.

“Good evening, Toph,” he whispered feeling their arms go around his shoulders.

“A _wonderful_ evening for you, I assume,” they chuckled. “I told you this would work out.”

“Mm, I’m sorry I doubted you, my dear. I’m only human, I get impatient sometimes,” he turned to face them, taking one of their hands, cold as it was, placing a kiss to the back of it. “Stubborn people can be unpredictable.”

They hummed, carding their hand through their shoulder length thick, black hair, “Even the most stubborn people have a point they can’t do things by themselves, Mr. Kaiser. Wait for that moment. Or create it yourself. Andy Howle was smart enough to understand when that moment hit.” Toph caressed Cyrus’ face. “Reds are a lovely color on you,” a motion to the jacket.

“You’re right. I could use more red in my wardrobe,” he set his hand atop theirs, “What would I do without you?”

“I think you’d find your way. It’d just take longer,” they kissed his forehead, leaving a light lipstick stain. “You’re a man who gets what he wants every time. Admirable. _Sexy._ ” They grabbed the front of his shirt kissing him passionately, only letting go when Cyrus returned it, “I’d stay longer, show you _exactly_ how much you impress me. But I have business elsewhere tonight.” They stepped back, “See you soon, Cyrus.”

“And I, you.”

They shared a quick smile before Toph disappeared in a murder of crows.

The jacket slid the rest of the way off and he took a deep breath. Luck was on his side. He could feel it as sure as the ground under his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virtue Heights is a place I made up. Kind of like those small towns with supernatural beings. Think Teen Wolf or Vampire Diaries. Except it's more urban and full of apartments and closer to city life. I did this because I can. But also because I've never been to Michigan, let alone Detroit. So it's a place to go with while I simultaneously research some Detroit culture and such.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave a Kudos, a comment of any sort (except hate.) But don't feel obligated. Just know I appreciate being given the chance, as per the usual.
> 
> In any case. Stay safe and be kind!


	7. Welcome to Death Row

The apartment smelled like weed. It was something that didn’t so much bother him, as it surprised him. Cyrus came off so clear-headed he hadn’t considered his brother might be more than a drunk.

_But at least it doesn’t smell like cigarettes._

There was also the matter of the empty beer bottles around the front room.

“Jesus, man, clean up a little, will ya?” he whispered into the empty room, shaking his head. Without thinking about it, he felt Maria push forward in his head. Moving them to pick up the trash. The unnecessary filth was unacceptable as a first impression. And she intended to help make it better for everyone.

He didn’t know how much time passed by the time he found himself sprawled on the couch, but the empty bottles were gone, and the floors looked distinctly vacuumed. It was a start. 

After a few deep breaths, he stood again. This time intent on exploring the space. He stepped into the connected kitchen area and opened the fridge. His mouth turned down in a frown. 

He expected nothing and was still disappointed. More beer. Minimal food. That was going to change.

Andy shut the fridge and jumped, “shit! I didn’t even realize you came in.” The man in front of him was a solid two inches taller than him and built like a truck.

The man sized him up, “Who the hell're you?” 

"Andy. Your new roommate. Ah, Cyrus might've told you. Or not. He said you needed help with rent. And so here I am," Jazz hands.

Jethro narrowed his eyes at him, "you look familiar."

“I get that a lot.” a nervous laugh.

"Well, don't try nothin' funny. I'm Jethro. I also answer to Death Row."

"Because it rhymes?" he raised a brow.

"No. 'Cause if you fuck with me, I'll kill you. Have your last words ready," he smirked. Or he tried. He didn't know what his face looked drunk.

Andy's heart rate picked up, his eyes widening. 

They were stuck in an intimidating staring contest, then Jethro laughed and slapped him roughly on the shoulder and turned to onehard two bedrooms in the hallway. “Fear's the right reaction. We'll be fuckin' great if you keep that up.” Without another word he stumbled his way to the room, slamming the door shut in an underestimation of his own strength.

His heart didn’t slow down as he leaned against the fridge. He clenched and unclenched his hands. 

_“Aww, are you scared of me?” Ominous echoed laughter. “Good.”_

His fingers tingled with a cold sensation that traveled through his arms faster than he was comfortable with. He swallowed hard.

_Heavy. Cold._

It was a struggle not to go limp and switch. “No, no, no. Not today. _Please_ , not today. You’re safe. We’re safe,” he shivered. For the second time that day, he wasn’t sure how much time passed when he found himself sat on the floor in front of the fridge in a frigid sweat. 

His head pounded, body shaking.

“Shit, dude,” he patted his own shoulder, trying not to tear up from the lingering pain. “It’s okay, now. We’re not with him. We’re safe here.”

_We’re safe here._

Andy forced himself to stand and make his way to the other bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a whine and flopping onto the guest bed. (His bed now.) He dreaded sleep, and the dreams that were guaranteed to follow it. Even being exhausted as he felt. The loud snoring from the room across from him didn’t help. It was about to be an even longer day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's Cyrus's shithead brother. 
> 
> Lord this one is so short, I'm sorry. I may post another chapter today or tomorrow to try and make up for the lack of words in this one. If you feel like it, go ahead and leave a Kudos, a comment of any sort (except hate), or whatever you like, really. It's not a requirement. This is more for my own satisfaction than anyone else's. But I appreciate other feedback when it happens. Thank you for giving this a chance. 
> 
> I hope you all have a nice day/night/whatever it is for you. Stay safe and be kind!


	8. Hopeful Feelings

Cyrus had given him a week to settle. A week to get used to his new roommate. It filled Andy with both anxiety and relief at being able to get away from Jethro. He’d learn what Cyrus even did that required his help when he was so capable on his own.

He wiped his hands against his legs and made himself as presentable as he could. He took a deep breath and turned away from the horrific sight of his own face. Jesus Christ, the fact he’d got any kindness from anyone when he looked so awful was a feat he wasn’t sure how he accomplished.

_ Calm down, Andy. You’re overthinking it. _ He chided himself, forcing a smile onto his face and disliking who it reminded him of.  _ But don’t smile. Be intimidating. _

That was a reasonable standard to hold for himself.

“The  _ fuck _ is taking you so long?!” 

He jumped out of his skin as Jethro pounded on the bathroom door. Nothing like yelling to put you back in your reality.

“Sorry, uh… got distracted!” he opened the door and pushed past him.

“Pay more attention,  _ dipshit _ ,” He smelled of hard liquor from the few inches between them.

“Maybe when you stop  _ day-drinking _ so much.” There was immediate regret as Jethro grabbed his shoulder and forced him to look him in the face, his awful smelling breath hitting him straight on.

“I wouldn’t day-drink so much if you’d stop fuckin’  _ screaming _ every fuckin’ night and lemme sleep. Not my fault.”

He couldn’t stop the flinch that time. He couldn’t help the terrors. He tried. He tried not sleeping. He tried drinking beforehand, even. It didn’t stop them from happening. “Alright, I’ll try to stop,”  _ don’t do it, Andy, hold your tongue, _ “at least then I won’t have to deal with how rancid you are.”  _ Damn it. _

For a few seconds there was silence, and tense eye contact before Jethro released his shoulder, almost amused, “you’re lucky my brother likes you enough right now or your face would be a bigger mess.” he slammed the door in Andy’s face.

The blond’s heart was pounding. He needed to stop taunting him. Try to make amends. A truce. But he left him on edge.

Yeah. He was glad to be seeing Cyrus again. Seeing his car waiting outside for him filled him with ease.

He didn’t stop to give any goodbye to Jethro. Not that he’d appreciate it. 

“Ah, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, Andy?” He shot him an amiable smile.

Andy quirked a quick smile back at him as he climbed into the passenger’s seat, “Only if you’re trying to make your eyes sorer.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re unique. And I take no offense to the sight of you. You’d do well to pretend you don’t take offense to the sight of yourself, either. Confidence is key. People can see when you’re less sure of yourself. They’re looking for it,” they stopped at a stoplight and Cyrus met his eyes, “don’t let people take advantage of your vulnerability. No matter how easy it is to show it. It’s worse than any scar you could have.”

“See, it’s easier with strangers to do that. It’s less easy with your brother.”

The car started moving again, “ah, I hear you’ve been having night terrors. He doesn’t know how to stop complaining to his heart’s content.” He shook his head, “I know this isn’t ideal. And I  _ technically _ shouldn’t. I just can’t stand to see a friend struggling so much. I’m prescribed medication. It helps with anxiety. Has a minor sedative effect. The ease of anxiety can help you sleep better. Decrease those terrors.”

“Aren’t those  _ yours? _ ”

“They are. I have them because I have yet to tell them I’m better. It’s good to have something available in a pinch. I don’t feel bad offering,” the look of empathy he had on his face shocked him. His cheeks heated, but pushed that away before it could become noticeable. “Besides, Jethro can be funny when he’s not exhausted and fuck ass drunk. Might help you get along better. He’s a bastard, but he can be reasoned with. Eventually.”

“I…” Andy nodded once, “yeah, alright. I’m willing to try. If you’re sure.”

“More than sure. I want you to be okay. And I know  _ I’m _ okay, so it’s no sweat.”

They spent the rest of the ride in a comfortable quiet, with occasional small talk. The radio played in the background as the car pulled up to their destination.

“Seems early in the day to be going to a nightclub,” he side-eyed him.

“It is, but I  _ own _ it. It’s also where I do my side business. Easier to keep it in one place, no?”

Andy’s brows raised, “I mean you’re not wrong.”

“Glad we’re in agreement,” Cyrus huffed in amusement as they both stepped out of the car. 

“What IS your side business?”

“In good time. It’s hard to describe,” a shrug.

“Hard to describe and requires a bodyguard. Gotcha,” Andy clicked his tongue.

“I may ask you to do other things for me now and then, but, yes.” He unlocked the door to the place, entered the code for the security system and turned on the lights. “Want a drink? Loosen up? It might take time for the client to show. We did just open, and I’m not here to be a boring host. Or a boring boss,” a grin.

“I’ll never say no to a free drink. Just a small one for now, though. I’m not trying to be Jethro.”

Cyrus barked a laugh, running a hand through his light brown hair, as he looked at him. A playful glint in those blue eyes, “Understood. I won’t give you more than one or two. Any preferences?”

“Whiskey?”

“Jack Daniels has a great honey whiskey you should try if you’re interested.”

Andy stepped toward the bar Cyrus had stepped behind, “Very interested.”

Cyrus gestured to a stool at the front of the bar, “by all means... make yourself comfortable.” 

As Andy sat, he took the drink as he slid it over to him, “I’m comfortable”

“Aww, I’m glad you feel that way,” Cyrus poured himself a glass. “I know you said you didn’t wish to talk about it, and I won’t press. It’s not my business. But I’m curious. Do you have any family? Usually people have that as a fallback in hard times.”

Andy took a big gulp, “No,” he sighed. He hated he had to lie, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Nick’s family didn’t feel like his own family. He hoped Nick could forgive him for suggesting they were bad people, “I’m an only child. My parents weren’t... good people. So when I was old enough, I left. And I never looked back. They’ve never even tried to get in touch, either.”

“I understand. My parents weren’t spectacular people either. I’m far better off without them. I’m glad you’re here with me,” he raised a glass in a cheers motion before taking a sip.

“I’m glad to be here. Roommate kinda sucks, but I’ve had worse than a shitty roommate.”

“Jethro is, mm, he’s something else. Angry. Brash. But he has moments where you can see something good. He needs a push in the right direction. I can’t be the one pushing… I’m his younger brother. He doesn’t listen to me. I don’t need it backfiring. I trust you with that.”

Andy traced a fingertip over the rim of the glass, “Won’t make any promises. But I’ll try.”

Cyrus nodded. Both of their heads turning at the sound of the door opening. Cyrus downed the rest of his drink, and lowered his voice to Andy, “If he tries to leave, I need you to stop him, and if he tries to come for me, I need you to protect me. Sound fair?”

“I’ll do what I can,” a nod.

“Perfect,” he turned to the person who’d entered, “Ah, I didn’t think you’d show so early. I appreciate that.”

“I didn’t show up to ease your worries. You know what I want.”

“And you know what it  _ costs. _ You still owe me for the last few. I’ve been generous. I don’t discount just anyone,” he cocked his head to one side. “And I don’t take well to being  _ used _ .” He stepped out from behind the counter calmly. “And I’ve heard you say terrible things about me when I’m not around. I thought we were friends. But if we’re not, I want it up front or you get  _ nothing _ . Who knows, you might get a visit from the police for solicitation. You’re already in trouble with them. Last warning, and all.”

Andy watched the face of this Oliver person, and he watched his hands ball into fists at his sides as he bared his teeth at Cyrus. 

“Fuck you!”

“Ah, I guess that means you thought I’d be a pushover. You disappoint me. Though I’d guess I wouldn’t be the first person you’ve disappointed, am I?”

It happened quickly, Oliver moved to hit Cyrus, and Andy was out of his seat in seconds to grab his arm and yank it hard behind him. “Don’t.”

“Who the fuck are you?! Get off me!” he tried to move away from him, Andy bent his arm until he winced.

“I’m the guy who could break your arm right now. Calm the fuck down and you can keep your arm working,” He didn’t know why he was saying it. But it seemed useful. It WAS useful as the guy relaxed. Then he let him go.

“I figured you might cause shit. So I brought someone with me. I forgive you this time, Oliver. But you owe me for everything I’ve given you. I’ll give you time to come up with it. And if you don’t, you might find someone knocking on your door for that exact reason. Good luck finding someone with better quality. Or dealing with the withdrawals otherwise,” the look on Cyrus’s face was a very clear  _ don’t fuck with me. _

Oliver stepped back with a huff. He spit on the ground and stomped out.

Andy’s head was spinning, “does this happen  _ often _ ?”

“It depends on the day. Quick reflexes, you’ve got, there,” he smiled at him.

“Yeah… It’s. You mentioned withdrawals. Is it… do you have something to do with drugs?”

“Something, yes. The pharmaceutical companies are nothing if not bullshit. People don’t have insurance. But I can’t do things for free. I can’t  _ give _ things for free. The costs add up after a while. I’m still cheaper than a lot of prescriptions by far. And I’m generally willing to work with people more than big companies are. But I don’t appreciate being used. It’s why people sometimes get angry. They think they can have things for nothing. It’s not my fault they misuse what I give them,” he huffed.

Andy nodded. It wasn’t the answer he expected. Yet he felt himself appreciating someone wanting to help people in that way. Even under the nose of the law. It didn’t have to be so black and white, he supposed, “that’s… fair. I’ll do what I can to help, then.” 

“Thank you for understanding. I was worried it meant you were going to step back into where you were. I don’t want you to be back in that place, you know?”

“I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Things that could get me into legal trouble. I can’t judge you for having your own demons. Especially not when you’re being so helpful to me,” a nervous smile.

“Then I can trust you when I need you?”

Andy rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, “You can trust me.”

“You’re a gem,” he patted his shoulder, “let me get you another drink. That was mild compared to some people. But I can tell you’re stressed. Don’t be. You’ll be okay.”

Andy believed that. For the first time in months, he was  _ hopeful _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. It's been what? Two-ish months now since I updated this? Oops. I have some really bad ADHD and just lost my momentum by getting very distracted. As well as having other little issues crop up here and there. Didn't mean to do that. I really do want to keep trying with this. I don't have the most well glued together things just yet, but I want to try. I might have these moments of momentum loss once in a while as I work through new medications for ADHD, and my own mental health over all. But I feel like trying to keep going is important for me.
> 
> Also recently noticed someone actually was reading it because they left some nice comments which I noticed upon checking my emails. (The comments were deeply appreciated @connerblackwood! Thanks so much!) While I definitely don't require people to read this for me to keep going, this is a me thing more than anything else, I didn't realize how much I was going to feel inclined to pick this back up again knowing someone liked it. Made me feel like I had more than just my own self validating me somehow in my efforts. I, of course, will mostly still be trying to run off of my own validation because trying to keep up with this even with moments where I struggle is something important to me regardless. But I do appreciate the extra validation and support when it appears.
> 
> That said, it has been two-ish months as I mentioned above. Please forgive that I'm probably a bit rusty at writing like this. The pacing might be EVEN WEIRDER than usual. But I'll try my best. Hope you liked this chapter. Kind of really enjoyed writing it. Thanks again to anyone who chooses to leave Kudos, or comment, or even just casually read it without doing anything more than that. I appreciate being given the chance. I plan to try and write the next one over the next few days.
> 
> Stay safe out there in these really weird times. Take care of yourselves. Don't forget to take your meds, drink water, eat, wear a mask in public, and see doctors or therapists when needed if it's a viable option for you. You're a valuable piece of this world. Remember that.


	9. Staring Contest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: One use of the F-slur.

Whenever Andy looked at the menu, he always wondered if ordering a drink called Forbidden Fruit would get him kicked out of The Garden of Eden. And he considered if it was worth the risk if it got him out of spending any more time with Jethro and his drinking buddies. He narrowed his eyes at the menu.

_Should I?_

....

_Mm… no. Wouldn’t be a good idea to get kicked out of Cyrus’ club today._

He went for a whiskey instead. His eyes scanned the area to check if any of the men in question were coming back to the bar area. Jethro and one other were nowhere in sight. Possibly on the upper floor playing pool or snorting a line. The other two were dancing with a couple girls to music that made his head pound. But at least they weren’t around him.

He scanned the room one more time when he caught the eye of a man nearby. He couldn’t see much as he checked him out from the distance between them. But he could tell that he was dark-skinned and gorgeous. He caught his gaze again. Neither of them looked away from the other for a few seconds.

The stranger flashed his eyes and smirked. Andy choked on his drink, losing the first staring contest. The other dude laughed at his reaction, earning him a glare and a second staring contest. One that Andy loses again, much to his own chagrin. 

The look of amusement still on his face made his expression soften as he mouthed ‘good game.’ His face heating slightly when the other winked and turned his attention to his friends.

His eyes continued to look over in his direction a few times, startling when Jethro slapping him on the shoulder.

"What are you looking at?" Jethro glanced toward where he'd been staring. "Dex hangs out with beautiful women, doesn't he?"

"Who?"

"That bastard over there. They're wasting their time with a fag like him," another hard slap on the shoulder.

Andy's ears rang, his heart started pounding in his chest and up in his throat. His eyes started burning without his permission. Dissociating hearing the slur. He didn’t know if he or someone else was more upset hearing it.

Andy struggled to keep it together as he forced a smile to his face, "It's... very warm in here. You get a drink, or I'll pay for one for you, put it on my tab or whatever. It's... warm in here," he gestured to the surrounding room, "I need some air. I'll be back.” It took all of him not to bolt out of the room. He didn’t consider that it might seem suspicious to leave so fast. It didn’t matter. Jethro was drunk, he’d forget it in five minutes knowing he could get whatever he wanted. Andy was thankful the balcony had so few people there.

The blond reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out the box with the last three cigarettes he’d stolen from Wes. He struggled to light it, ready to give up and internalize the frustration, the anxiety. But then it was being lit for him.

He looked up at the attractive stranger and blushed. The cigarette somewhat suggestively in his mouth. "thanks. My, um, my friend seems to know your name, ah... Tex?"

"Dex. But you're close," a soft laugh, "you left so fast there. And considering the little staring contest we had, I figured we’d interacted enough that checking on you wouldn’t be too weird.”

"I'm fine. Great. A little overwhelmed by the music and the amount of people, I guess," he took a drag of the cigarette, and released the smoke off to the side before grimacing. 

"If you don't enjoy smoking, why are you doing it?" He crossed his arms over his chest and raised a brow.

"What are you, my therapist? I'm fuckin' stressed out, I can handle a nasty taste in my mouth if it helps me," a pointed second drag, and face of displeasure.

"You don't smell like an avid smoker. Why not bring a drink out here, it's as likely to fuck with you, but it's less nasty," a pause, "Not that I suggest leaning into vices to deal with stress, but if you're gonna do it anyway, would it not help to do the tastier version of it?"

"It's not... it's not the same. It's more immediate," he squints at him, "why are we even talking about this, I can do whatever the fuck I want."

Dex held up his hands in defense, "alright, you win. You're an adult and can make your own poor decisions. Just offering a different one is all. I’d offer to talk to you, but I’m not sure you’d go for it. But you got my name wrong, and I don’t even know yours. What’s the harm? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

Andy took the cigarette out of his mouth and kept squinting. After a moment, it dropped to the ground and Andy snuffed it out with his shoe, "I don't think there'd be much to say. I already said I was overwhelmed."

"I can see that. But you weren't so overwhelmed until your... friend sat next to you. Trouble in paradise?"

"I wouldn't call it paradise. He's a bastard, and he gets too rough and his breath smells bad, I didn't want to be near him," he looked away.

"Jethro has that effect on people, doesn’t he," he shook his head.

Andy did a double take, "you’ve met him?”

"Does that surprise you? He told you my name. It only makes sense we've run into each other once or twice, yeah?"

"I guess it does." he rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm Andy."

"Good to meet you, Andy," dex grins as Andy blinks a few times, "you're terrible at not blinking. But we already established that earlier." snerk.

"Shut up, that wasn't even an official game."

"You're still bad at it. Very sensitive to people's expressions. Or maybe just the expressions of attractive men," a pointed flash of the eyes.

Andy blushed a little more and looked away, "fuck off."

"It's fine if you think I'm hot. Because you're not wrong. I'm beautiful. It's easy to lose when you're up against someone like me," a playful expression.

Andy's face goes bright pink, "I-I don't. I'm not... you don't know me. I'm not a, uh... I'm not a ff," he tried to get the slur out, instead opting for a way of saying it that didn't make his skin ready to crawl off, "I'm not like you."

"Not like... ohhh, so that's what he said about me. You believe everything he says? You know what," a huff, "I like women. I also like guys. I'm not ashamed of that, because there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'll apologize for assuming things about you. That was my bad. But I don't appreciate the attitude, or the fact I'm pretty sure you were ready to call me a nasty word when all I've done is play around. But I shouldn't be surprised about the energy that comes from people who hang around Jethro Kaiser."

Andy's face gets even redder, this time more with shame, "I'm... I'm gonna go."

"I was about to leave, too," he says with an offended tone, pushing past Andy, "I assume you don't wanna be seen in the same vicinity. So wait here a few minutes after I leave. He'll be too drunk to notice at that point," Dex left the area without another word, and without looking back. 

He wished he hadn’t put the smoke out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've once again taken ages to update. I actually planned on writing something sooner, but then my dad passed away and my family and I have been handling that loss.
> 
> I'm not promising anything in the next few days, still sorting out my life. But I do want to try again. After everything is sorted as much as it can be, I want 2021 to be the year where I try harder with this because I genuinely want to write this story. I know this isn't my best work, I'm trying to find my groove. But I still liked writing it, flaws and all.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter. Feel free to comment with what you thought. What you hope to see, or what your guesses are on this or that. Or you can give firm, but polite constructive criticisms. Kudos are also appreciated. And if nothing else, just know I appreciate being given the chance if you're reading silently otherwise. 
> 
> Stay safe. Be kind to yourselves and others. Remember to tell the people you care for that you love them, you never know what tomorrow will bring.


End file.
